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jumbled thoughts and misleading hopes  ...December first and what to my wondering eyes should appear? An ice cream truck cruising through the neighborhood... In similar ridiculousness I noticed that my bookmark for LJ is in a folder titled 'regulars'. Boy is that mis-named. Current music: cutesy and repetitive. Another OryCon has passed. The new space seems to be quite functional, although there are still issues with elevator wait times. Not as bad though judging by the infrequency of having to wait more than one car to get on. The usual mix of interesting and disappointing, but mostly the time felt well spent. I had to face up to not having the fitness to really enjoy dancing anymore. Many really fun discussions, learning of tidbits, sharing of opinions. I got to wander around in a fabulous new outfit thanks to my sister (in-law). Difficult to adequately express appreciation for all the work done to put on the convention. Most of those people don't get to do a lot else over the weekend. Current mood:  tired.
Zippity do da, zippity ay, my oh my what a rainy day. Liquid sunshine coming my way, zippity do da, zippity ay. It's frustrating. I just don't think in language, I think in concepts. The problem arises in that to share them they have to be translated into some sort of medium for communication. So often I get stuck wanting to say something and having no idea how. Maybe the more so a problem because I worry a lot about the 'right' way to say something. This isn't entirely unjustified, way too often I've tried to communicate and felt like watching a train wreck as I listen to someone responding to what they think I've said and I can't even figure out how they got there. Current mood:  frustrated.
So I started out the weekend with finally seeing the latest Harry Potter. Not bad actually. Not perfect either, but aside from the inevitable abbreviation I didn't have anything to complain about. Mostly the problem I walked away with was wanting more, the fill in bits that there wasn't time for. Even in shortening sub-plots they managed to keep close to the spirit of the story. A couple places needed more explanation for the benefit of those who haven't read the books (I know they exist). Definitely a thumbs up. Saturday morning was interesting as I sat on my couch reading the morning paper and started wondering why night had arrived before noon... That was some thick cloud cover. Silly me, when the thunderstorm broke into mostly clear and sunny I went for a walk. Fortunately I was planning to take a shower anyway, but I had in mind warm not cold... Had a long talk with my grandparents. The nice thing about my family is that I usually don't mind talking with them. The hour and half really didn't seem all that long. Mostly about their health and my life plans, but keeping up with family is a good thing. Speaking of keeping up, heard from an old friend I haven't spoken to in probably a year. As usual with him, reading the e-mail was quite entertaining. Spent way too much time playing games on my computer. Even more tempting now with the new video cards (plural, my techie doesn't go half way when he decides to do something). Got most of the way through what I needed to for class tomorrow. Easily should have been time for it all but my focus kept wandering. Class isn't until late on Mondays though so will be fine. That about sums it up. I should think about bed now. Current mood:  indescribable.
Was looking forward to today. Always like to hear the White Rhinos perform. Sadly I'm coming down with something and don't feel up to moving much less dancing. Might have managed to get there and just listen, but after breakfast I lay down and lost track of a couple hours... Back to school again. With no luck getting hired I feel like I need to do something, anything. Might be working up to qualifying to sit for the CPA exam. Since it's something that has to be maintained with additional class time each year I'm a bit cautious but it would be one more credential for getting a job. Current mood:  sick.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about depression is the illogic. Tired? Sleep. No, no, sit up to all hours or toss and turn, but no sleep. In a bad situation? Change something, anything. No, no, stare at things and wonder if it's worth bothering. Tired of being useless, fearing that's all I know how to be. Not always true, there have been times in my life when I was useful, vital even. The irony is that I've always liked the idea of a single career life but that is no longer considered the norm. Now that I'm trying to pursue something new I'm getting told that at my age I lack the experience to expect to be given a chance anywhere. Which is it?!?!? No other choice but to keep trying. Current mood:  depressed.
Another fantastic weekend, I hope the week can be more productive this time. Not that I'm unhappy with what I accomplished last week, but it could have been done in a much smaller space of days and left room for some effort toward more pressing problems. It's kind of interesting how even though I'm unemployed weekends seem to be more enjoyable than weekdays. Seems like each day should be pretty much the same with no rigid schedule to worry about. Two theories come to mind. Could be cultural programming, weekends are fun and weekdays are drudgery. Could also simply be that's when plans get made, other people are available and I coordinate with them, either for socializing or working on projects (ie getting something accomplished). Current mood: indescribable.
...and now I've accumulated ice cream but have far less interest in it. Stores all over are having sales on stuff we wanted a week ago, but not so much now. That's okay. Sleeping under the covers again, today I'm actually wearing pants (*ahem* as opposed to shorts), comfortable most of the day instead of only a short while around dawn... Current mood:  content.Current music: Princess Mononoke. I'm glad I only spent 3 dollars to see that indulgent, sensationalistic, mess. Lazy fanboy writing... To be fair the writers might not be entirely at fault, often they get told what they are expected to include. Some of the cast did a good job with what they were given, but just as many were poorly chosen for their roles. Apparently several people had a hard time deciding if they wanted to be faithful or make up their own creative hash with a veneer of something that would sell tickets. Current mood:  annoyed.
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